[:en]I have a life partner. He earns a lot more than I do. He is in the technology field, and I am in the counselling industry. He makes three times the amount I do. He finds my work has more impact on others than his. I receive less money. We talk about the inequality in our incomes. We are conscious of that dynamic.
As a couple, we each have our own money and a combined household fund. We are interested in having a budget that reflects our values and priorities. We create a budget that is inclusive of the differences in our salaries. We base our budget on equity rather than equality. We also name other essential contributions to the partnership outside of money to keep the power balance in check.
Structure and routine around money.
Every so often, I get insecure and uncomfortable about what I earn compared to my partner’s salary. In addition, the inflation rate in the United States has hovered between 8 and 9 percent in the past months, signifying a rising cost of goods across the country.
My income doesn’t go as far as it used to. And I get these bouts of anxiety come up now and again.
When these feelings of insecurity arise, I always dig to see what is happening. I know it gets projected onto the earning power imbalance of my relationship with my partner. It is my work to sort out my feelings and tension before bringing it to my partner.
I help myself by looking at money as a reflection. What has led me to get to this place? What were the decisions, thought moments and subtle recurring behaviours led me to this anxious state of mind?
The primary recurring behavior is I allow myself to drop my routine of being on top of my numbers for both my business and personal.
When I dig deeper into dropping the ball around this, I realize I have forgotten my body in my busy mental world. I must finish this last email, even though my body screams to move away from the computer. I wolf down my lunch to get to my next client. I don’t take that 10-minute break between client calls because I need to send off that email. I don’t need to, but it seems so urgent at the time. I go over the session by 10 minutes, even though my conscience tells me I have crossed a line. I cross my boundaries of health and integrity. I betray myself.
All these small decisions take me to a place of not feeling supported, insecurity and feeling like I am not earning enough. I end up making it about the salary difference with my partner.
There is a moment of aha, and disappointment with myself for being here again. However, I am also able to get over it quickly, move on, and return to tending to my affairs with love and compassion.
What do I do to move on so quickly?
Here are a few tips on how to move on so quickly from feeling unsupported to being back in balance:
- Learn to conserve and manage your energies well in the moment-to-moment experience.
- When your body needs a break, take that break. If you don’t have enough time, give yourself an extra 5 minutes. You might find yourself being more efficient with your energy afterwards.
- Focus on the breath. The breath is always there for you. Take a few moments to gently and easefully focus your mind on your in-breath and out-breath.
- Get up and sing and dance like crazy for 5 minutes!!!
- Focus on a mantra or prayer during the day. I use this prayer of loving kindness as much as possible to nourish my mind.
“May I be free from enmity. May I be free from hurtfulness. May I be free from troubles of mind and body. May I protect my happiness. May all beings be free from enmity. May they be free from hurtfulness. May they be free from troubles of mind and body. May they protect their own happiness.”
I dare you to protect your happiness in the next week. When you start worrying about finances, allow it to be a mirror and a teacher to you—wishing you lots of love.
Have a beautiful day, my friends.